


Something

by die-forellex (heatinfreezing)



Series: SnK Drabbles [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/M, work inspired by drawing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-04
Updated: 2017-12-04
Packaged: 2019-02-10 18:29:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12917706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heatinfreezing/pseuds/die-forellex
Summary: She knows he understands, knows that he needs this the way she does, that neither of them can let go of this indulgence. That even if outside of this room they are both merely shadows of who they were meant to be they can pretend something else when they’re together.





	Something

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [rivamika drawing on tumblr](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/343344) by Dinklebert. 



_“I lost something inside me. Or perhaps several things. Something central to my existence, the very support for who I am as a person.”— Haruki Murakami_

This isn’t new.

Mikasa knows what Levi’s hands feel like on her. Knows how his teeth feel on her skin, the way his arms wrap around her, the way his muscles twitch beneath her touch, what his breath feels like on her neck.

So many parts of her have died over the years, most of them small, insignificant things that are worthy of leaving behind for a cause. After all, she dedicated her heart to this. For better or worse she has branded herself with wings reaching forward for freedom she’s not sure actually exists.

But she hadn’t expected this. There is an intangible  _something_  that she has lost. She can’t put words to this  _something_ , but she knows that it’s gone, knows that it was integral to who she was and that she will never be the same without it.

But with Levi she wants to pretend. She has a lonely nature but with him she is greedy. She takes from him as much as he will give until she can pretend for even just a moment that her heart hasn’t completely died.

She knows he is the same, knows that he uses her simultaneously to forget his sorrows and remember his joys.

Mikasa hates herself sometimes. She hates herself for not being strong enough to save everyone, hates herself even more for caring as much as she does because it hurts too damn badly. She wishes desperately she didn’t need to feel this way, that she could kill whatever it is that makes her need this from him because it  _is_  a weakness.

But she knows he understands, knows that he needs this the way she does, that neither of them can let go of this indulgence. That even if outside of this room they are both merely shadows of who they were meant to be they can pretend something else when they’re together; that the world is better, that they aren’t two sick people using one another to assuage their grief.

She opens her palm against him, the spread of veins in her wrist blue like the twilight sky as she grabs tightly at his shoulder. He presses open mouthed kisses against her neck, each one a brand that she would imprint upon her body forever if she could let each one sink down into her flesh, down to her bones until she never forgets what this feels like.

He moves inside of her, his body flowing with hers like water meets water when two rivers merge, his hand clasped in her’s tightly, his thrusts hard but even and steady. He says her name in her ear, tender with an edge of desperation that coaxes breathy sounds from her mouth, that renew that  _something_  she’d thought was long dead.

It’s a spark that breaks through the haze, like a gentle breath coaxing embers into flame. He brings it out of her with his touch like springtime, his body pressed up against hers, his loneliness shared with hers until the parts of them that are similar come together and it’s  _too much_ , so much that she breaks, her back arching off the bed, her hand clenching his until her knuckles turn white as stars.

She wraps her arms around him and holds him tightly against her. She’s certain in these brief moments that his heart is beating with hers, that somehow  _something_  has survived all of these years. She looks into his eyes for a moment and the awful white noise of life disappears completely for a few heartbeats.

She closes her eyes and kisses him softly on the mouth, just her lips against his, their bodies still intertwined as she tries to prolong this moment, this feeling of  _something_.

They pull away and when she opens her eyes the moment disappears. That something she’d felt again gone, leaving behind the fantasy of a still there heart. 

She gets up from the bed and wordlessly puts on her clothes, each moment passing the impression of his touch fading more and more.

It’s too much to look back at him and remember how they’d been just minutes before so she leaves him silently.

There’s nothing else she can give him, nothing else she can take from him besides this. She knows that she can offer him her body but never her heart.

Hearts are a burden anyways.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by art on tumblr. Feeling edgy angsty today. If Eren can be edgy post time jump so can Mikasa. Lol.


End file.
